instructions for banal object

1. celebrate its birth
2. read it the news
3. take it for a walk
4. snuggle it in your shirt
5. feed it
6. watch tv with it
7. wrap it in paper like a present
8. strangle it with rope
9. bury it
10. insult it
11. apologize to it
12. shave it
13. go out on a date with it
14. psychoanalyze it
15. show it to the door
16. leave it somewhere
17. use it as an ashtray
18. tell it a story
19. masturbate it
20. paint it
21. use it as a backscratcher
22. amplify it and walk away
23. offer it a drink
24. spit on it
25. prepare it for its intended use and then use something else instead
26. have audience text an instruction for it
27. have audience sing to it
28. introduce it to the audience (shake each person's hand)
29. ask it a question
30. sleep with it
31. play pool with it
32. play tennis with it
33. spin it 
34. use it for an unintended purpose
35. kiss it
36. float it
37. challenge it to a race
38. kick it to the opposite corner of the room
39. use it as a frisbee
40. use it as a bowling ball
41. show it the moon
42. using a map, tell it where you'll be performing next

Inspired by a performance by Keith A. Buchholz